so turns out using display port on windows 10 is the path of pain because if you have multiple monitors it just keeps shunting your stuff over to your primary monitor ever time your monitors go to sleep
fun stuff!
apparently they were gonna fix it but then windows 11 happened and they only fixed it for that cause yay microsoft. if it werent for https://github.com/kangyu-california/PersistentWindows i might actually have to upgrade